There was a popular song released when I was in high school (you do the math) and the chorus went like this: “I’ve found a reason for me, to change who I used to be, a reason to start over new, and the reason is you.” Many times I seem willing to change for those I love in this life but am I willing to change for the God that sustains and gives me life? If I am willing to try and be a better person for the sake of my spouse, my parents, or my children, then why am I not willing to do that for God? God even promises to be the one to change us if we would only ask Him to enter our hearts. “Create in me a clean heart, O God, And renew a steadfast spirit within me” (Psalm 51:10 NKJV). In the King James Version Bible, the word “steadfast” is translated as “right.” According to Strong’s the word used here means “to be erect… stand perpendicular” essentially establishing the heart and willpower and entire being on the upright or correct path that leads to God’s righteousness.
The Sabbath School lesson this past week asked “what have they [people who visit you] seen in your house?” A while back two completely separate people, both of whom I love and respect, brought to our attention how much Ryan and I squabble. After reading the lesson, I paused again to consider just what our words and actions toward each other are revealing to other people. The people who are close to us know we truly love each other. But what about other people? How does this bickering reflect on God? If we are claiming to be Christians, does everything we say and do reflect the character of Christ? By our very presence, we can influence people either toward or away from Him. When I’m visiting someone and they start to “squabble” with their spouse it can make me feel awkward or uncomfortable. Perhaps I should leave the room until they can sort out the conflict? And that’s what squabbling boils down to, a disagreement or miscommunication.
When I can manage to focus enough to be consciously aware of what I’m saying and how I’m saying it then I realize there are multiple ways to reach the same end. Words and the tone of voice are very powerful message transmitters not just to the person I’m speaking with but to those who might be listening. Perhaps my words might be just fine but when said in a negative tone they will cause offense to the receiving party. Instead of me saying in a demanding exasperated tone “Why didn’t you put those dirty dishes in the dishwasher?” I should say in calm loving tones, “I would appreciate your helping keeping the kitchen clean by putting your dirty dishes in the dishwasher.” Both of those phrases have the potential to result in change. But the first one would result from possible hurt feelings and resentment and the second would result out of love and kindness. The first one actually may not see any action at all simply out of spite, a “I don’t have to do what you say” kind of attitude in response. If the second one doesn’t receive any action, then at least there won’t be hard feelings on the receiver’s side.
“And why do you look at the speck in your brother’s eye, but do not consider the plank in your own eye?” (Matthew 7:3). Change involves less of me asking my spouse (or anyone in my life) to change and more of me willingly asking God to help me change myself. If using the above positively worded statement about help with the dishes doesn’t result in action, it is my job as a loving Christian to NOT get upset. But these dishes are the most powerful dishes in the universe... They have the power to expose whether my Christian attitude is real or a veneer. If things don’t happen the way I think they should, will I still behave in a Christian way or will I degenerate into negative (sinful) thinking and speaking? Will I let something so seemingly small fester and destroy God’s love in my heart especially toward someone I claim to love above all other humans? Anything that I dwell on that increases negative emotions and thoughts is not of God. Where is the grace? Where is the love? Where is the attitude that I should treat others as I want to be treated? And the Bible is clear that people, whether they are relatives, friends, or strangers, may not treat us kindly in return for our efforts. “But if you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them” (Luke 6:32). “But I say to you who hear: Love your enemies…” (Luke 6:27a). How could I be satisfied loving Ryan less than Jesus calls me to love my enemies?!
Being aware of my words and actions is hard. Especially at home, I tend to let my mouth run ahead of my brain. If I truly want to change, the road will be difficult but not impossible. Jesus will be with me every step of the way if I ask Him. “Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened” (Matthew 7:7-8). He wants us to succeed more than we even want it for ourselves! Jesus knows the closer we are to Him the happier we will be and the happier our home will be. Then when people come to visit, they will sense His presence guiding how we speak to each other in love and respect. What a witness we can be even in our own home!