“If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him” (James 1:5 ESV).
A few weeks ago, I told my Mom we had decided to put our cat, Princess Margaret, down. I listed off all the reasons why we thought it was time. She said, “Are you trying to convince me or yourself? Because Dad and I talked two months ago, and we thought it was time then.” Princess Margaret’s pain and discomfort were evident but my emotions kept getting in the way of what I knew needed to happen.
Only through God’s help can we make the best decisions and often doing the right thing isn’t the easiest. Since initially making this decision, I’ve struggled with guilt. Not guilt that we were going to put the cat down, because that was really what was best for her, but guilt that, behind the sadness, I’m kind of happy about it. I’m happy because I won’t have to deal with her missing the litterbox anymore, no more stuffing a pill down her throat which she and I both hated. I’m happy we won’t have midnight howling sessions or need to take her when we move because it would have been very hard on her and us.
A woman I know lost her husband a few months ago. He had severe dementia but she couldn’t afford nursing home care. She kept him home even though she herself had difficult medical problems. When he passed away, I remember her struggling with guilt and wondered why? He was in a better place since his body and mind had deteriorated and robbed him of the person he once was. Although a pet is nowhere near the same as a spouse, I now have some glimmer of the guilt she went through. Guilt about her own happiness and relief that someone she had taken care of for a long time, who made her life more difficult even though she loved him, was now gone. The relief, the freedom,… the guilt.
“The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?” (Jeremiah 17:9 ESV). Our hearts muddy the waters regarding hard choices and emotions. Situations don’t have to just be one sided, there are many factors that can make us both sad and happy at the same time. If you have ever struggled with guilt over mixed feelings about a loved one passing away or a pet needing to be put down, let me reassure you that you are not alone! You have loved that person or pet to the end even if your thoughts were not always loving. As humans, we have complex emotions, and it is not wrong to have mixed feelings. Ask God to help you through troubling times, and He will. He may not change the situation, but He will walk with you and give you wisdom, all you have to do is ask!