Giving up, quitting, and failure are three very different things.
I remember the very first essay I ever wrote for a college class. I received a F. It was like a slap in the face for someone who had done very well academically in high school. The professor also happened to be my advisor which made my failure even more embarrassing. At that moment, I could have given up on college, decided this isn’t for me, and taken a very different path in life. However, giving up has never been my style. Through many additional essays, I made great improvements and ended my Mary Baldwin academic career by throwing in a minor in English at the very end since I was only two classes shy. At that time, to graduate I needed to have taken two writing emphasis courses which were not English classes. By the time I graduated, I had taken seven and was able to crank out at minimum a two to five page essay every day on top of my other classwork.
I did not give up and my failure turned into… success?
I remember in my final year at college I had a meeting with one of my professors to discuss my graphic design senior project. These projects take a lot of time both mental and hands on. When I take on a task, I give it 110%. In my book, there was no room for half jobs or good enoughs. So when my professor, sitting across from me, asked me if I was happy I simply burst into tears. No, no I wasn’t happy. How could I be? Almost my entire existence centered on classwork (although… there is always time for food!). I was successful, but miserable. That question brought a lot of soul searching for me, which from time to time I still ponder. And I determined that quitting was not the same thing as giving up. I did not quit college but I did quit trying so hard to be perfect. I quit working so hard on some essays and felt very guilty that I decided not to read an entire book that was required for another class. That wasn’t my style, it wasn’t 110%. What I didn’t realize at the time, is that we each only have 100% and 24 hours in a day. And that 100% must cover all the daily activities including essentials like eating, sleeping, hygiene, cleaning (necessary but evil), and spending time with friends and family. You can never give 100% to anything, except to do the will of God.
At that time God wasn’t a big part of my life, but I hope and pray that He is now. Could I give more time to Him, yes, yes I could. God calls us to spend time with Him every Sabbath as well as in daily study and prayer. He also calls us to set aside time we can devote to the church and to personal ministries for His cause. However, part of His will also includes taking care of our families: “But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever” (1 Timothy 5:8). God also wants us to work: “He who tills his land will have plenty of bread, But he who pursues worthless things lacks sense” (Proverbs 12:11 NASB). Additionally, rest, not just on the Sabbath Day but whenever we truly need it, is an important part of our service to Him: “‘And [Jesus] said to them, “Come aside by yourselves to a deserted place and rest a while.’ For there were many coming and going, and they did not even have time to eat” (Mark 6:31). Resting from labor is not a bad thing. Sometimes your brain and body just need a break!
Even when we are doing work for the church, even when we feel called to do something for God, we can still overdo it. We cannot fulfill the will of God in our lives if we give 100% to any one certain slice of our life pie. Every piece is important and worthy of time and effort including rest. Lately I’ve been working very hard to redecorate the children’s Sabbath school room creating a more engaging and what I hope will be an enjoyable space. To save money, I am spending time doing extensive research for the best deal, and making things myself. I want to do my best on this project, and I enjoy doing it, and I want to spend 100% of my time working on it! However… that’s not God’s will! Last Friday, I was frustrated that things weren’t coming together as fast as I had hoped and part of what I had made looked only like a half job. A bit dejected, I quit and took the remaining time to prepare for the Sabbath. Suddenly it was like a light came on in my head, I don’t have to finish this project in my own timeline. God’s use of that room doesn’t hinge on whether or not everything is finished, and He certainly didn’t set a date for when I have to have things done. At that moment, I felt my mind clear a bit and my heart breathe a sigh of relief. Yes Lord, you are right, I shouldn’t neglect other important parts of my life nor should I focus so much on the project that I forget Who I’m doing the project for.
Thank you Lord for helping me to realize that I have not failed when I take more time to accomplish this or any other task and that I must quit having such a narrow focus so that I can do all the things you’ve set before me in Your timeline and not mine.